| hello again ... i felt as though i had betrayed xanga by switching to myspace ... so i guess i was guilted back to xanga.
its funny i have kinda been doing alot of that betraying lately .... i
think i have a serious problem .. i thought i had learned but obviously
not.
im not trying to throw a pity party. the only reason we use xanga or
myspace is to let our feelings out .. and i guess i just figured that is
what i need .
so i tried to move on, i figured that is what i needed. it had take 4
(if not more times) to get me to this place ....i question the way i
look if i am good enough for him and if im pretty enough for him it may
sound stupid but everytime i saw her i felt inferior to her ... that he
should b with her .. not me. i got so sick of running and maybe
skipping a meal to go run so maybe he would think i was beautiful
. (again not a pity party in fact this is kinda embarassing ..) you
know you see these beatuiful people on tv ... people with "perfect" bodies
... and in my mind i think that i have to be that ... it makes me look
like the stereotypical girl that is never satisfied. when initially i
ws perfectly happy with my body... and me in general. i guess guys
change you more than you might want them to.
back to trying to move on... i kinda feel like (in the words of
caudill..) I'm being plotted on... like the people i came to trust may
not necessarily b trustworthy. and the people i know i can trust(mom
teachers etc.) i kinda feel like i am a burden, u know like all i do is
bitch about how fucked up my life is when in all honesty it could be
alot worse... i just want everything to b perfect and easy for me and
its kind of a rude awakeing i guess. some how i always feel that things
are my fault......and they may or may not be that way.
i guess i just hope that somehow he will b okay and that i can
stop trusting so easily(they haven't earned it...) like no matter what they say i will believe
and put full faith in them.... maybe that is something i need to work
on i dunno.
maybe in stead of writing xanga entries i should write a sequel to days
of our lives. it could work. i betting my
charate would either be killed first or kill someone ... either way i
lose huh?
Say Goodbye-
You don't know me like you knew me
You stopped listen
The moment that I needed you the most
You can't see me like you saw me
Truth comes easy
But it's hard for you to pull me from the ground
So I scream, scream cause it hurts
Your every word
Cuts me inside and leaves me worse
There's no way back
And what if there was
You'd still be you and I'd still need
To say goodbye
Maybe you don't love me
Like I love you, baby
Cause the broken in you doesn't make me run
There is beauty
In the dark side
I'm not frightened
Without it I could never feel the sun
So I scream, scream cause it hurts
Your every word
Cuts me inside and leaves me worse
There's no way back
And what if there was
You'd still be you and I'd still need
To say goodbye
Nothing will change no matter what you say
I'm still gonna be the same
The harder we try, the harder that we fight
Can't get it right
So I scream, scream cause it hurts
Your every word
Cuts me inside and leaves me worse
There's no way back
And what if there was
You'd still be you and I'd still need
To say goodbye
To say goodbye
Say goodbye
ashlee simson fixes everything ... (thanks for the CD josh...)
|
| |
